Hello it’s Mr. Nasty.
George Pappas: For me the Internet is just yet another way of being rejected by women.
Joe Fox: You’re crazy about him…
Kathleen Kelly: Yes. I am.
Joe Fox: Then why don’t you run off with him? What are you waiting for?
Kathleen Kelly: I don’t actually know him.
Joe Fox: Really?
Kathleen Kelly: We only know each other – oh, God, you’re not going to believe this…
Joe Fox: Let me guess. From the Internet.
Kathleen Kelly: Yes.
Joe Fox: You’ve got mail.
Kathleen Kelly: Yes.
Joe Fox: Three very powerful words.
Kathleen Kelly: Yes.
Joe Fox: [about Kathleen's internet friend] He could be anyone! It could be that guy right there! And those flowers could be for you!
Joe Fox: So what’s his handle?
Kathleen Kelly: Uh…
Joe Fox: I’m not going to write him, if that’s what you’re worried about. You think I’m going to e-mail him?
Kathleen Kelly: All right… NY152.
Joe Fox: N-Y-one-five-two. One hundred and fifty-two. He’s… one hundred and fifty-two years old. He’s had one hundred and fifty-two moles removed, so now he’s got one hundred and fifty-two pock marks on his face.
Kathleen Kelly: The number of people who think he looks like Clark Gable.
Joe Fox: One hundred and fifty-two people who think he looks like a Clark BAR.
Kathleen Kelly: [laughing] Why did I ever tell you this?
Joe Fox: One hundred and fifty-two stitches from his nose job. The number of souvenir shot glasses that he’s collected in his travels.
Kathleen Kelly: No! The number… his address? No, no, he would never do anything that prosaic.
Frank Navasky: Name me one thing, ONE, that we’ve gained from technology.
Kathleen Kelly: Electricity
Frank Navasky: That’s one.
[points to computer]
Frank Navasky: You think this machine is your friend but it’s not.
Kathleen Kelly: What will NY152 say today I wonder. I turn on my computer. I wait impatiently as it connects. I go online, and my breath catches in my chest until I hear three little words: You’ve got mail. I hear nothing. Not even a sound on the streets of New York, just the beating of my own heart. I have mail. From you.
Kathleen Kelly: Is it infidelity if you’re involved with somebody on email?
Christina Plutzker: Have you had sex?
Kathleen Kelly: No of course not. I don’t even know him.
Christina Plutzker: No, I mean CYBERsex.
Kathleen Kelly: No
Christina Plutzker: Well, you know what? Don’t do it- ’cause the minute you do, they lose all respect for you.
Birdie Conrad: What are you girls talking about?
Christina Plutzker: Cybersex.
Birdie Conrad: I tried to have cybersex once, but I kept getting a busy signal.
Joe Fox: Hello it’s Mr. Nasty.
Joe Fox: [talking via email, to who he doesn’t know is Kathleen Kelly] Have you ever become the worst version of yourself. That a pandora’s box of all the hateful things, your spite, your arrogance, your condecension has sprung open? Someone upsets you and instead of smiling and walking away… you zing them. “Hello it’s Mr Nasty”. I’m sure you have no idea what I’m talking about…
Kathleen Kelly: [talking via email, to who she doesn’t know is Joe Fox] No I know exactly what you mean and I’m completely jealous. When I’m confronted by someone I get tongue tied and my mind goes blank. Then I spend the rest of the night tossing and turning over what i should have said. For example what should I have recently said to…
Joe Fox: [about Kathleen's internet friend] Maybe he’s fat. Yep he’s fat. He’s a fatty.
Kathleen Kelly: I don’t care.
Joe Fox: You don’t care? You don’t care that he has to be lifted from his house by a crane?
Kathleen Kelly: I think that is very unlikely.
Joe Fox: Mr. 152 Felony indictments.
Kathleen Kelly: Mr. 152 insights into my soul.
Joe Fox: Oh yeah. No competing with that.
Nelson Fox: I just have to meet someone new, that’s all. That’s the easy part.
Joe Fox: Oh right, yeah, a snap to find the one single person in the world who fills your heart with joy.
Kathleen Kelly: [in an email to Joe Fox] The odd thing about this form of communication is that you’re more likely to talk about nothing than something. But I just want to say that all this nothing has meant more to me than so many somethings.
